The Putin Trolls Song
(unum ex pluribus)
[common time, melody like The Siamese Cats Song but with a 4th line breakdown]
We are happy Putin trolls.
We all like the way he rolls.
We all rush out when he calls
singing "heh ho, heh ho, to work we go" (and whistling).
But we don't work under no bridge.
What we do is verbiage.
We don't need no tutelage
in how to sing ".ru .ru Russia, etc."
We take orders from the Kremlin.
Then we cook up and serve a whopper,
spread it about with lots of spin,
singing "Back in the USSR" "From Russia with Love".
This is how we do our faking:
lots of spoofs and lots of phishing,
lots of pings and lots of croaking
as we get hoarse singing "We are happy Putin trolls, etc".
Everywhere there's a Comments section,
there's no way you can buy protection.
We'll block it up with a mass distraction.
Our battle cry is "Tushonka, da da da!"
and "Meme 'em back into the Stone Age!"
and "Buy Stalin's organs!"
We are happy Putin trolls.
We know what to do when Nature calls.
We know what to say when the NSA calls.
We say in our bestest voice "All calls are monitored and
recorded for security and training purposes".
We like nothing better than elections.
That's when we work our worst miss... die... wreck... shuns...
ah ha! misdirections.
We celebrate with a Brecht fest of Champions
helped along with some Russian Gold Standard vodka.
[Uncle Volodya doesn't like us getting too drunk.
He says it doesn't help him Make Russia Great Again]
You see us here, you see us there,
on Sunset Strip and in Times Square
(also Outer Mongolia and Tiananmen Square)
(and Regent Street and Leicester Square)
(not forgetting Nevsky Prospekt and Red Square of course)
(and other places too numerous to mention).
We're in your soup and in your hair
because Putin trolls meddle everywhere heh!
We are Putin trolls, we be.
What you'll get is what you see.
We never ever work for free
because our favourite charity is FSB.
[BTW all your databases are belong us]
Our memes just will not die.
Google-scrubbed, hung out to dry,
they frog-march forth and multiply.
And multiply. And multiply. Oy vey!
We are happy Putin bots.
We got rid of all our Trots (almost all) (well, ok, many of them).
They now hang with DNC hot-shots
and they all sing "Oh say, can't you see Putin's troll in that tree?
And That One! AND THAT ONE!!! waaaaaaaa".
Putin of course has squillions of minions
plus hundreds and thousands of trolling battalions:
every region with its foreign legion
of Putin trolls, who rally round the flag singing "Rally round the flag, trolls!".
[to be continued as soon as we find a Red Flag to run up the flagpole, and see which of our trolls fail to salute]
© 2018 a.hyperreal.name